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Learning to let go

When I scroll through social media these days, I am drawn to thoughts of my old self. My old self would wish to be like:

  • The successful individual with their own business

  • The lean woman with a fantastic physique

  • The girl that has it all together with her own house and family, who all look super happy

  • The influencer that has loads of followers and is clearly popular

These days I find myself stopping scrolling quickly as I get bored of seeing these people in my feed. Not only do we know that social media is often smoke and mirrors and what is portrayed on it isn’t always true to reality, it is no longer what I resonate with. Previously I had seen others promoting their businesses or physiques and I felt pangs of jealousy, resentful of my current life, wondering why I couldn’t be like that. I would then start alienating the people around me that (I know now) cared the most about me being the person I was (and am), without the need or want for me to change.

Recently I found myself congratulating someone on publishing their book. Instead of feeling resentful that I wasn’t doing something like that myself and being a successful author, (haha I have a started book myself which I have never seemed to finish), I felt myself resonating with the reasons why he started writing and instead was really happy that he had found success in something that started out as a hobby for aiding his mental health.

Wow, what has happened to me?!

For the last year, I have been working on my own self-development (with the help of a few readings lol!) Learning to let go of things that don’t bother me, and that is not necessary for my life is starting to make me appreciate the things that I do have. Jealousy was a big thing for me (and although I’m still working hard at it), I’m starting to be able to support and be enthusiastic for people that are doing what I would perhaps like to have achieved by now, but haven’t.

I know that we are all at different stages of life and don’t have to achieve things by a certain time, but it feels that society tries to push things on us and then makes us feel bad when our life doesn’t look like a sitcom and we are not doing things at the suggested milestones like society has us believe should happen when we are growing up. This lack of ‘societal achievement’ makes us resentful and play the blame game with others. I think that this is what was happening with me.

After my trip to Corfu last year for a Yin Yoga training course, where I started to embrace more of my emotional and spiritual side (via the help of a few friends that I met there), I came home and wanted to start to make a difference and change. I bought a book called The Sedona Method by Hale Dwoskin (you may have heard of it) and began carrying out the tasks that were suggested in the book.

If you’re still with me and have not switched off yet, let me share my processes with you.

Time to let go

So you may be thinking ‘well how hard can it be? Just don’t let that issue bother you and let it go’. This is definitely easier said than done. If you’re like me and would like to let go of things that are of no use to you, keep reading. I wish someone had helped me last year when I was struggling the most.

One of the most basic techniques I have learnt is how to let go of feelings or issues that do not serve a purpose to me. Here is how to do this:

  1. Find a quiet place for yourself, with nothing around you to cause distraction. Once settled, close your eyes and start to focus on your breath.

  1. As your mind starts to settle, start to focus on the issue (and the feeling or emotion attached to it) that you would like to feel better about. Welcome the feeling that the issue provides for you (it can be a small feeling or a large one, it doesn’t matter). Allow yourself to acknowledge what effect the feeling is having on you.

  1. When thinking of the feeling, ask yourself one of the following questions:

  • Could I let this feeling go?

  • Could I allow this feeling to be there?

  • Could I welcome this feeling?

These questions allow you to know if it is possible to take action. The answers can be yes or no; the asking of the questions usually will allow you to let go, even if the answer is no.

  1. Now ask yourself if you are willing to let the feeling go. If the answer is no, ask yourself then if you would rather have this feeling or if you would rather be free of it.

  1. Finally, ask yourself the question, when can I let go? This is the invitation required to let go RIGHT NOW.

These steps can be performed as many times as you need to, in order to release the feeling that is holding you back. They can be performed any time of the day when you feel the need to release an emotion or feeling that you are experiencing.

Learning to let go of feelings and emotions that have no serving towards us can allow us to deepen not only our relationship with ourselves but with others. Improvements in social, work and business can occur. Such a simple task that can be performed regularly can have such a hugely profound effect!

If you are interested in learning about other techniques you can use to let go of things that are not giving you a positive outcome within your life, I would encourage you to buy the book. Learn to change your mindset and see its results!

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